This feeling....
Doesn't last forever.
You hear everyone say that relationships aren't easy. However, when you first enter one, you would swear those people were lying to you. It's all roses and flowers. Sex and "I love you"'s. Dates and words of romance.
Listen to me when I say those things fade.
Being in a long-term relationship is hard. When I say hard, I actually mean to-the-bone, soul testing difficult. Eventually, you move in together. You talk more about chores and work than where you want to go with your life or the interests you have. You get caught in this loop of dependency and under-appreciation. It's not pretty, folks.
"where is your heart? Because I don't really feel you."
I've been pretty down about things recently if you haven't noticed through my blog and face book posts. I've been falling into a familiar old place and I don't like where it's taking me. I took this opportunity to get extremely drunk and have "girl talk" with a good friend of mine, Miss Mary.
She's been with her boyfriend 4 or 5 years and she can relate a lot to what I needed to say.
In our good hour of talking about insecurities of relationships and the firey blaze dying into a single constant flame, I took one thing she said to me straight to heart. Since that night, it's been replaying in my head.
"Men need to feel loved too. They need that reassurance."
Men don't act as though they do, but this is the truth. Men need to be reminded just as much as us women that they are wanted, both mentally and physically. This is probably the biggest problem in relationships. When you become serious with someone, you take on a certain responsibility in their life. You are making a promise to be there to listen to stories about their terrible day at work, to share in daily chores, and be an active part of their life. A lot of times, this role can being to be taken for granted. Once you're used to your partner being around each day, you forget how lonely it was before they arrived. This is no excuse, however, you stop giving him the attention he needs and deserves from you.
When men, or women, feel as though they aren't getting the attention they need, they do just as children do. They act out. Most definitely not in the same ways that children do, but in a way that is generally very harmful to the relationship they are in. They begin reaching out to others for that attention they need. Friends and family usually don't make the cut because they've been receiving the same amount of attention from them for years. Instead, they generally reach out to the opposite sex. They want to get that feeling that someone needs to talk to them each day and actually hear what they have to say. By refusing to give your significant other the attention they deserve, you're doing your part in driving them further and further away.
As far as how to give this attention to men...besides "I love you" and making sure he's getting laid regularly, well, I'm still working on that. Leave some comments if you've got any advice there.
As far as making your special lady feel as though you still appreciate her.
-Maybe buy her flowers once a month...like the day you got together(So, if you got together May 26, buy her flowers or even just a flower on the 26th of each month).
-Remember to always tell her she's beautiful.
-Kiss her for a long time without expectations of sex. or at least kiss her more once you've had sex.
-Give her reasons why you love her, don't just say it. Ex: I love you because of the way your hair smells when you get out of the shower.
-Take photographs with her to let her look back on all the wonderful years you've spent together with clearer vision.
Again, leave comments and let me know if you can think of any more.
If I can get enough advice, I might do another post purely on how to appreciate your significant other.
