Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Why Long Term Relationships Fail....

This feeling....
Doesn't last forever.

You hear everyone say that relationships aren't easy. However, when you first enter one, you would swear those people were lying to you. It's all roses and flowers. Sex and "I love you"'s. Dates and words of romance.

Listen to me when I say those things fade.

Being in a long-term relationship is hard. When I say hard, I actually mean to-the-bone, soul testing difficult. Eventually, you move in together. You talk more about chores and work than where you want to go with your life or the interests you have. You get caught in this loop of dependency and under-appreciation. It's not pretty, folks.

"where is your heart? Because I don't really feel you."




I've been pretty down about things recently if you haven't noticed through my blog and face book posts. I've been falling into a familiar old place and I don't like where it's taking me. I took this opportunity to get extremely drunk and have "girl talk" with a good friend of mine, Miss Mary.

She's been with her boyfriend 4 or 5 years and she can relate a lot to what I needed to say.

In our good hour of talking about insecurities of relationships and the firey blaze dying into a single constant flame, I took one thing she said to me straight to heart. Since that night, it's been replaying in my head.

"Men need to feel loved too. They need that reassurance."

Men don't act as though they do, but this is the truth. Men need to be reminded just as much as us women that they are wanted, both mentally and physically. This is probably the biggest problem in relationships. When you become serious with someone, you take on a certain responsibility in their life. You are making a promise to be there to listen to stories about their terrible day at work, to share in daily chores, and be an active part of their life. A lot of times, this role can being to be taken for granted. Once you're used to your partner being around each day, you forget how lonely it was before they arrived. This is no excuse, however, you stop giving him the attention he needs and deserves from you.

When men, or women, feel as though they aren't getting the attention they need, they do just as children do. They act out. Most definitely not in the same ways that children do, but in a way that is generally very harmful to the relationship they are in. They begin reaching out to others for that attention they need. Friends and family usually don't make the cut because they've been receiving the same amount of attention from them for years. Instead, they generally reach out to the opposite sex. They want to get that feeling that someone needs to talk to them each day and actually hear what they have to say. By refusing to give your significant other the attention they deserve, you're doing your part in driving them further and further away.

As far as how to give this attention to men...besides "I love you" and making sure he's getting laid regularly, well, I'm still working on that. Leave some comments if you've got any advice there.

As far as making your special lady feel as though you still appreciate her.
-Maybe buy her flowers once a month...like the day you got together(So, if you got together May 26, buy her flowers or even just a flower on the 26th of each month).
-Remember to always tell her she's beautiful.
-Kiss her for a long time without expectations of sex. or at least kiss her more once you've had sex.
-Give her reasons why you love her, don't just say it. Ex: I love you because of the way your hair smells when you get out of the shower.
-Take photographs with her to let her look back on all the wonderful years you've spent together with clearer vision.

Again, leave comments and let me know if you can think of any more.
If I can get enough advice, I might do another post purely on how to appreciate your significant other.


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

My Favorite Disney Princess

My favorite Disney princess...isn't really a princess at all actually.
So, I suppose my favorite Disney female role is Megara from Hercules.




"Why?" you ask.
She is my favorite because she wasn't like the others.
Megara didn't have your typical Disney princess love story.

She didn't meet a man, fall madly in love with him, and do anything to get in his pants.
Well, she sort of did, but not in the typical way.
Megara had class and attitude.
She had been hurt before and she didn't want to fall head over heels for someone who might hurt her again. She denied her love for Hercules because she figured that was best for her.

She was the damsel in distress at some points and although the hero came to save her, she wanted to be independent. She wanted to save herself.

I love Megara. She's a real Disney role model.

Also, this song still gives me chills every time I listen to it.



Saturday, January 19, 2013

I Used to Sing

I was on the search for a paintable treasure chest I bought from Wal-Mart a few months ago. Our room is a mess, so it was next to impossible to find (actually, it was impossible to find. I'm sure it will come up when we move out). I did come across something interesting, though.

A few months ago, my mother moved out of the house that I have known ever since the day I was born. Since she would be moving into a smaller place and no longer had time to store my possessions, I was forced to take all the things I wanted her to hold onto until I felt I could take care of them myself. Today, I came across this black leather notebook. When I opened it, it said "This notebook belongs to Charles Brandon Williams." After a few moments of pondering, I realized this was my ex-best friends boyfriend she had when she was 17 or so.

I continued flipping through. Although the notebook didn't have much in it, there were roughly three pages filled with titles of songs and their artists. All of these songs were bits and pieces from this time in my life: a very different time. 

I continued flipping through and realized there was very few other things written it, but I knew I needed to hear these songs again.

I began searching each of them on youtube and listening to them. As it turns out, several of them I still know every word to. 

Lance isn't home, so I belted my little lungs out.

When this one song came on...I was suddenly taken back. I sang along and nearly came to tears.


"It's going to take time
a whole lot of precious time
It's going to take patience and time
to do it right"

As the worlds soared out of my mouth, a memory came to me.
I remember singing these exact words to you.
I remember exactly the feeling I had at that moment.
I remember bobbing my head and that smirk you gave me.
You always gave me that same little smirk when I was doing some wacky thing.
It said "You are crazy, and I love you for that."

I look at myself now and realize that I only sing when I am alone.

Singing made me so happy.
When I was happy, I always sang.
When I heard a song I knew, I was never shy about it.
I belted out so confidently with the words I knew by heart.

Now, that isn't the case.
I wonder what else I have lost that makes me happy.
I hate that I don't sing anymore, but sadly I don't see it changing.

I don't want to yearn for the past.
I want to be dearly happy about now.
In a few years, now will be the time I miss.


Thursday, January 17, 2013

A Pirate Proposal

I've thought long and hard about this and I want to talk about the perfect wedding proposal.
When I say this, I mean strictly for me.

I want an awesome pirate proposal.

I want to be given a map.
Maybe one of the town (or a house to keep it simple).
I want a path of where I need to go, each destination with an X.

At each destination, there would be a note.
Each a memory, things that formed our relationship to what it is.

The last would be in maybe a drawer or a cabinet.
In that would be a box.
Then suddenly, he would appear, seemingly out of nowhere and grab the box right out of my hand.

He would get down on one knee and say this:
"Ahoy me lady. Ye be t' love o' me life."
This is about the extent of my pirate talk besides "walk the plank!" and "swap the deck!" Those don't seem particularly useful in a marriage proposal, so we'll just stick to good old English from here.

He would then go on about how happy I make him and he can't imagine having to live a single day without me in his life...and all those sappy things.

Of course at the end would be the "Will you marry me?"

and a ring...just like this.
7-8mm 925 silver heart black pearl ring discounted sale, US size 7
It's so beautiful.



I only have one legitimate wish when it comes to being proposed to and that is that it all be recorded so I can watch it over and over again forever. All of this would be nice as well.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Chamille

I am really, truly, completely in love with this movie.
It just makes me so happy.




I really just cannot explain how happy this makes me.
It's on Netflix, if you have any urge to watch it.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

photographic evidence

I want to be one of those couples that is constantly taking photos together. I want to simply blame it on not having a real, functioning camera, but I could make due with my phone or DS.


I want to have photographic proof. Evidence of how happy we really were.
Another way to remember all those memories I may forget someday.

I want to take photographs every time we go on a walk.
I want to take photographs every time we go to the city.
I want to have picture days where we can go to the park and kiss and run all day and get plenty of pictures.

March '09
I haven't had sweet, romantic photos with anyone since I was 16.
That's just too damn long.
That, and the fact that they are unusable since I'm no longer with that person.

I want beautiful photos like these.
I want to be able to hold onto them forever.






I want to share this quote with you.

"The great thing about a photograph is that it never changes even when the people in it do"

Sunday, January 6, 2013

In A Relationship

Alright, time for the post on being in a relationship. This one, I'm kind of cheating. I found something online, and the first ten points I'm posting word for word. Here's the link. I'm adding a few in of my own at the end. The last post was actually fairly difficult to write, because I don't particularly enjoy the thought of being single. It just seems horrid. I'd much rather have the following things.

1. You feel accomplished. Being in a good healthy relationship is like getting accepted into an Ivy League school. You feel really special and secure, and you’re also promised a job {marriage} when you graduate.

2. You learn so much about yourself. Every unattractive quality you never knew you had will surface and you’ll begin to understand yourself in a whole new way. This will allow you to make some necessary changes. Stable relationships are like crash courses in getting to know yourself. By the end of it, you’ll hopefully be a better version of yourself.

3. You can go to a bar or a house party and take solace in knowing that you have someone who loves you. The pressure is off. You look around and see people dressed to the nines in hopes that they can spend the next eight hours with someone who doesn’t completely repulse them. You wore Uggs and have ketchup on your face because you already have someone who promises to love you forever and ever. You put away the sequined single girl dress a long time ago.

4. Make up sex. It’s powerful and it’s vulnerable and it’s angry and it’s tender. It’s a cacophony of emotions and you can’t seem to get their body close enough to yours. Is there any way they can be more inside of you? Is there any way you can feel more connected?

5. You can dip your feet in the Compromise pool and wiggle your toes in the Selfless waterfall. Learning to put someone’s needs before your own is a valuable life skill that can usually only be achieved by entering a relationship and/or having children. Instead of being a rigid control freak, you’ll have to adapt a little bit and be open to different things. This is a good thing! Being a control freak gets you nowhere besides having a potentially lucrative career and an all access pass to the Tracy Flick Alienation Hour. It’s beneficial sometimes to eat Italian when you’re craving Mexican food. It’s good for your soul to know that you can’t always get what you want. And if you love the person, you really shouldn’t give a shit about eating spaghetti and meatballs when you were ravenous for a burrito.

6. You get the opportunity to become really good at sex. The people you have casual sex with don’t care if you’re a bad kisser or give terrible oral. They have no investment in the relationship so they just send you off to the next person. When you’re having sex with the same person, however, you get individual intense attention. You have the time to figure out what works and what doesn’t, which will definitely help make you a better lay. If you’re with someone indefinitely, you should have no qualms with telling them things like, “Kiss like this. I like it when you do it like this and I don’t like it when you do it like that.” Constructive feedback is the best gift a lover could give you!

7. You can relate to your friends who have been in relationships. There’s no longer this awkward divide between you two. You get it! All those times they bitched to you about a poorly worded text message makes sense! You’re sorry to ever have thought they were just being a crazy bitch!

8. You can know what it feels like to love someone unconditionally. To really know that you would do anything for someone is a great feeling. You want to make them happy. You love to see them smile. You just believe them in so much. It’s great. It’s what we were built to do.

9. You can achieve the kind of happiness that only a lover can give you. You’ll be satisfied doing things that used to make you feel lonely. Spending all day in bed is a new adventure. Going to Kinko’s with your significant other to fax something can be a blast! OMG babe, we love Kinko’s!

10. You can change your status to “In A Relationship” on Facebook, which is 60% of the reason why you got into the relationship to begin with. Acquaintances who lurk you can see it and know that you’re living a healthy well-adjusted life. You’re not one of those forgotten ones.____________

11. Being in a relationship is great because you have that promise of having a good night kiss each night before you lie down. You have that promise that someone will be next to you throughout the night. Having someone to wake up to after a horrible nightmare is one of the most comforting things one will ever know. Each morning you are guaranteed to wake up to that beautiful face you have come to love and kiss those lips each morning.

12. There is a less likely chance you're going to get sexually transmitted diseases. I know those things are pretty common, but they're especially common in people who sleep with...well, everyone. If you're actually settled down in a relationship, more than likely you are not with someone that is sleeping with everyone. If you're a person like me that doesn't really have flings, and stays with one person for long periods of time, you're better off. The less people you sleep with, the less likely you're going to get an STD.

13. Not only do you have the opportunity of getting better at sex, but you're actually having it! No more 3 month dry spells. More than likely, you're getting laid at least a few times a week if you are in a healthy, stable relationship.

14. Suddenly, holidays don't seem to bad. When Thanksgiving and Christmas come around, being alone is horrid. You just wish there was someone you could cuddle up on the couch with drinking hot chocolate and watching Christmas movies. When you are in a relationship, these are the things you do. Plus, Valentines Day is so much better when you're not single.

15. As you get older, your friends have their lives and you have yours. Sometimes, you just don't feel like you can't talk to them about things or maybe their just not listening. When you're in a relationship, there's always someone to talk to. The best part is that in some ways, they know you better than you know yourself.Your significant other picks up on the exact face you make when you're upset but don't want to admit to it. They pull the things out of you that need to be talked about because they hate seeing you sad.

16. Stories are so much better when you have a constant person. When you're switching boyfriends like shoes, it's not acceptable to tell the stories of the crazy times you had with your ex. Being in a stable relationship, you create many of those stories and they remember them just as you do. They are told to your friends and family throughout the years and they hold so much more meaning being with one person that 20 different people.


Being in a relationship is really amazing. People who are single bitch about how they want to be someone and a lot of people who have been in a relationship say they wish they could be single for awhile again. Personally, I'm not one for being single. I like sharing my life with someone. I like being there to make someone happy. I like the adventures and conversations that never get old. 

This
looks a lot better than this


If you're not in a relationship and this blog post just bummed you out, check out the pros of being Single.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Where is My Mind?



I know I've been ranting on about the movie Fight Club, but it really is amazing.

The love between Marla and the Narrator just astounds me.
They're both extremely messed up in the head,
but at least by the end they can be all sorts of messed up together.

That's probably the nicest kind of love.
If you are really fucked up in the head and someone is willing to be okay with that and love you even more for it. You both may not be alright on your own, but together is a much easier way to make it through things.

The funny thing is, when I first met Lance, he met me at a very strange time in my life.
It wasn't quite as psychotic as the narrator in Fight Club, but I was going pretty crazy inside.
I was spontaneous, reckless, impulsive, I did as I pleased.
When I look back at that time in my life, I don't really know who I was or how I became that way.

All I know is that he fell for me.
I know that he was always there for me, even when I wasn't the best to him.
Lance was the person I went to when the rest of the world was bringing me down.
He was my escape.

I'm glad he stuck around when the reality check hit.
I'm glad he's stuck around all this time he has.
He's just really...really wonderful.

I don't think I can stress that enough.




Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2013 at last.

I swear this is my last post about the new year. I just want to talk about how great my New Years Eve was. I didn't go out drinking or do any of those fancy things I had planned, but it was amazing.

It is officially the new year.


so goodbye 2012, hello 2013.

First of all, I want to share with you the New Years Resolutions of a few animals.

I had a really great New Years Eve. I spent it with Lance's family. It was just wonderful. We watched the New Years Eve Countdowns. We watched the ball drop (an hour early, stupid new york!). Shortly before midnight, we all drank champagne and toasted to the new year.

Then we went outside and watched the fireworks.



I got to kiss my favorite fella when the new year came.

our first picture in 2013
The New Year didn't start how I expected, but it was absolutely perfect. I've got a great fella. I have a great family of my own and a great second family (Lance's). I have an apartment. I have love, life, and all those great things people hope for. This year is off to a great start and I hope it will only get better from here.

I expect to have many new experiences, plenty of adventures and heartaches. I expect to see things I probably never wanted to see and learn all sorts of things I never thought I'd know. I look forward to the first day of 2014 and thinking "wow, what a crazy year." This is the first day of it.


Also, today I will start my happy notebook and the jar I posted about earlier. It's going to be a good year, guys.





Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Story of Alice


I had such a bizarre dream last night. It was most definitely when I was older. I had long black hair half-way down my back. I was extremely thin and had a lot of tattoos.
I was in a room with six other girls. The room was white and the door had some very bizarre lock on it. There were two girls with as many tattoos as I had and the others with few or none at all. We had all been stripped down to nothing and locked in this room with two loveseats and table.
The other girls seemed worried, but not as I was. They were on the loveseats, talking about their families. I sat against the wall with me knees up to my chest and my head down so no one could see how exposed I was and felt.
One of the girls came and sat by me. She told me not to worry, that things would be okay. I wanted to believe her. Something in the way she moved and the softness of her words made me want to trust her. I immediately relaxed and brought my knees down from my chest. She and I lied down in that cramped little room. I knew her and I were going to be friends through this all. I knew something bad was coming up soon and she and I would have to stick together.
The cameras kept rotating in the corners of the ceiling. I couldn’t tell if the perverts that had done this to us were watching to see if anything kinky happened or were just trying to make sure none of us escaped.
I walked around and talked to the other girls as well. No one seemed to know what was going on either. They had all been snatched from their yards on the same cool summer evening I had. They all had that same black cloth thrown over their head and were shoved into the van with no idea where they were going. No one seemed to know where we were going, who our capturers were, or what they were intending to do with us. It wouldn’t be long until we found out.
I’m not sure how long had passed. Maybe it was an hour, maybe it was 12 hours. Time is nearly impossible when you’re unsure of where you are or where you are going and there are no windows for light to shine through. Finally two men came into the room wearing masquerade masks and suits. They gave us each a dress to wear and masks of our own. The only difference between theirs and ours, were that in ours the eyeholes had been covered with a thick black cloth so that we could not see through them. We were ordered to put them on and the men left. Once we all got into the dresses, the men came back in. They had an escort for each of us, all in suits and masks just as the men earlier. We were ordered to take our escort by the arm and get into the limo outside of this building. The man made it clear that anyone that tried to escape or remove their mask would be shot. We all did as we were told and climbed into the limo.
In the limo, we were not allowed to take our masks off, either. These mystery men did not want us to see where we were going or how to get there. The whole ride was dead silent. When we finally arrived, the men escorted us inside and left. The same impossible lock was on this door.
After the door was locked and us girls were left to ourselves, we got a feel for the place. It didn’t seem so bad. It was a house where we weren’t allowed to access the outside world. There was, however, a fully stocked fridge, plenty of books to read, clothes for the next three months, and a projector on the living room ceiling for watching TV. There were clocks and calendars everywhere.
There were three bedrooms with one bed a piece, so we each had to pick someone to stick out the remainder of the stay with. I chose the girl that had come up to me in the first hours of that lonely room. I found out that her name was Alice. Alice was one of the girls without a huge amount of tattoos. In fact, she only had one. It was an anchor on the back of her ear. Other than us, the tattooed girls stuck together and the other non-tattooed girls chose to stick it out with each other.
Alice seemed like a sweet, innocent girl at first. She had long blonde hair that she always kept braided, collarbones that most girls can only dream of, and a face that just said “trust me.” She chose me to stick with though, not the other girls, Alice was mine.
After getting settled in, we all went into the living room. Suddenly, the projector flipped on and there was a man on the wall speaking to us. He said that we would be given schedules and tasks and those who failed to keep with the schedule or did the worst at the task would either cause the rest of us to suffer or would be sacrificed.
I can’t recall what sort of tasks there were, but I remember the time limits. If we weren’t in certain rooms at certain times, we were punished. The tattooed girls were too busy doing god knows what in their bedroom one day when the man was going to be on the wall.  When the projector flashed on and the man saw the girls were not there, he announced that due to their lack of worry for the situation, we would not eat for the next week. The next morning when we woke up, the fridge had been cleared. There was nothing in that entire house to eat.
After four months of being locked in this house, the door was unlocked at certain points during the day. We were allowed to go to the library for books, but that was all. We were not allowed to try to contact anyone that we knew in our past life, go to schools, parties, or stores. One of the non-tattooed girls tried to escape for good. They found her, though. The man put that black cloth over her and kidnapped her just like the first night. She was put back in the house for that night so that we would know that she had not truly escaped and gotten away with it. The next day, she was killed.
Everything from there gets a little fuzzy. I know we were put on schedules and given more and more tasks as we were let out of the house. Each night, we all came back. Alice and I always made sure we were on time. The man on the wall’s patience seemed to be growing thinner and thinner. After the first girl was killed, not another tried to escape, but they still weren’t extremely timely. Besides me and Alice, the other three girls had been sacrificed for trying to contact their families, being over an hour late to our daily meetings, or anything else the man on the wall could think of for killing. Alice and I were the last ones alive.
One morning, the man on the wall showed up and told us that we were going to a ball and we were to wear the dresses that we had been given on that first day. Alice and I were so excited to be able to go out and dance with other people, to maybe have fun for once in what seemed like years. We spent hours in the bathroom talking of how the night would go and what we would do.
I had become very attached to Alice. She had been with me since day one. We had been in this horrid place for…a year, a whole year now. We slept in the same bed. We talked every night before we went to bed. We made the best of a bad situation.
We went to the ball that night and the man on the TV was there. We didn’t approach him for a long time. We ate plates and plates of food and spun each other around on the dance floor. At the end of the night, we went up to the man on the wall, but it was so bizarre because he was not on a wall this time.
It was even stranger approaching him. He was in our everyday lives without really being there. He was the only familiar face we knew, but never actually spoke to. Alice and I went up to him, and before we could even speak he said “Don’t.” Alice and I just stopped and stared at him. He continued “The food you ate was poisoned. You will die in the next 24 hours. Go back to the house. Enjoy your time together. This horrid world will be behind you soon.”
Alice and I left. No one escorted us. No one followed us, but we didn’t try to go to the places where we came from before. There was no point now. If we would be dead in 24 hours, there would be no point in telling our families that had been on the search for us for the last year that we had been alive this whole time, but were dying now. Alice and I went back to the house we had spent the last year together in and we lay in bed and talked, just like we did every night. Alice fell asleep. Shortly after, so did I. We never again woke up.





Don't forget to look and see Why I Hate the Internet.

Friday, December 21, 2012

The Rules of Engagement

No, I'm not engaged. Don't let your minds run wild now.


It's supposedly going to be the end of the world in...an hour an a half or so. I'm blogging, so obviously I'm not too concerned. I did see that two new couples on facebook got engaged today, though. Crazy stuff! Guess the believe the world is ending tomorrow, so they had might as well make the promise of the rest of their lives today so they only have to be stuck with the idea of "being with someone for the rest of their lives" for one day and don't have to think about the fact that by doing so they will never be with another man/woman again.

I'm only particularly concerned about this in one case, because the girl is 18 and far too young to be getting engaged. She's just getting all excited about growing up and not really looking at how much longer she has to live and figure things out.

Getting engaged at 18 is so silly. You change alot from 18 to 21. I'm thinking back now to my eighteenth birthday.


At this time, I was living with my mother. I was getting my second tattoo. My first one without my mother having to sign. I was irresponsible with my money and did as I pleased. 18 year old me probably would have looked at me now and said "Cool hair, but what the hell happened to you?" I had little love for my family and a hate-filled heart. I was happy with my friends, but I felt miserable and lost even with the best of people around me. I've changed a lot since then. 

Six months after I turned 18, I found out I was pregnant. I believed my child's father was the love of my life and I would stay with him forever. We had a lovely relationship and we meshed so well.

Turns out, our relationship was built on extremely faulty grounds. I knew that at the time, but I didn't think it effected us later in the relationship. It did. We never passed the friend zone. We had a hard time saying "I love you" unless it wasn't in person. We had terribly communication skills. We were afraid to lose each other to other people all the time. We blamed it on our personalities and growing up in dysfunctional families. It was more than that, though. We worked out great together, but we would have been better never getting together and just sticking it out as friends.

It's been a little over 2 years since my eighteenth birthday. I can only imagine what the next two will bring or where they will take me. 

In any case, I've gotten a bit of subject.
Getting engaged, that's what this blog is supposed to be about.

There are a lot of things that people don't take into consideration when getting engaged that they should. If these are not things you think you and your partner can do or be, you should probably consider breaking it off, because as the famous Mrs. Barnes life tip says "Don't date anyone you don't see yourself marrying." More than likely, if you don't think you can be engaged to this person, you're probably not going to marry them.

  • You have to be committed to get married, and to be committed, you must first be insane.--as said at a wedding I went to last summer. This is correct. The first and foremost thing in any good relationship is commitment. You can't be running after other girls or boys. You have to believe that your partner is the best choice for you and no matter how great someone else that prances along seems, you will not stray from that commitment in mind or body.
  • Think about what your partner lacks in terms of what you had dreamt as being your "perfect mate." Are these things you are willing to live without for the rest of your life? If they're not, think twice about engagement. If your partner lacks a certain very important trait, are you willing to accept that? If not, you may resent them for it later.When you're with someone, you should not be with them to change them, but to love them for everything they are.
  • Do you have similar plans for the future? Do you want to have children and he wants none? Does he want to travel, but you want to stay in your home town? Maybe you both want to have kids, but you want them at 22 and he doesn't want them until he's at least in his early 30's. Make sure to set these things straight before engagement. If you want different things out of life and are set on this, it's not worth it to try to stay together. Again, if one of you is stuck living the others dream, it can lead to resentment.
  • Listen to those around you. If your friends and family hate him/her, it's probably not going to work. If this person cannot fit into your world, it is likely to ruin long term friendships or ties with your family. You will be stuck choosing between the people you've known all your life or the person you want to marry. This can cause a lot of distress in your life and put a lot of pressure on your partner.
  • Take religion into consideration. If you are a full fledged christian and your partner is an atheist to the core, is this really going to work? Are you willing to respect their views? On the flip side, although you may both be agnostic now, are you willing to listen to your partner and respect him/her if she decides to get some faith and starts going to church every Sunday?
  • Communication. Without communication, you have nothing in a relationship. If you aren't able to sit and talk things out, everyone gets stressed out. Either they build so much up that they eventually explode or they will find someone that will talk to them about their problems. This person will be someone they will later realize "I can really talk to this person about things. Maybe I'm not with the right person after all."
  • Do you bring out the best in each other? Does she make you laugh? Did he teach you something you've always wanted to learn? Do you enjoy trying new things together? Does your partner seem enthusiastic about your interests or do they simply wish you'd just stop talking about them? Do you appreciate and love the things he does? 
  • Consider how your partners body will change as s/he ages. Will you still love your partner if s/he gets fat? What about when s/he is old and gray? Will you still love your partner when she is going through menopause and acting psychotic? Will you still love him when he can no longer get it up?
  • Consider your finances. Does she spend too much money on clothes when we need to pay the rent? Is he buying too many video games when electric is due in a week? Consider how much money you will be making and what you will be spending it on. Consider how much debt you have as a couple and how you are going to wipe that out. Consider how his/her credit score will effect bank loans, getting a house, or buying a car.
  • How much do you love your him/her when s/he is in a bad mood? Are you willing to wake up to this person every single day for the rest of your life? Are you willing to kiss only his/her lips before bed each night and wake up to his/her face each morning? Are you willing to take the good days with the bad? In a relationship, if someone starts acting unreasonable, you can choose to walk away. When you marry, you're in it for the long run.

to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward until death do us part.

Remember, marriage is forever. There is divorce, but people should really stop looking at that as an option unless there is some sort of abuse. When you marry, you should consider all of these things listed above. If you believe all of these are completely true for you and your partner. Take the plunge. 

If not, reconsider.

Don't jump into it just because you want to grow up or because you want to have children and you believe getting married is the only way to go about doing that. Don't do it because you'd really like a wedding or it just seems extremely exciting. Get married because you truly believe that you don't want to live another day without your partner in your life.

If you liked this, you'll definitely want to check out the pros of being In A Relationship so you don't forget why it's so nice not to still be searching for that special fish in the sea.





Sunday, December 16, 2012

December 21st, 2012

For everyone, December 21, 2012 is supposed to be "the day the world ends." The day the rapture happens, or the zombie outbreak starts, or a shit ton of natural disasters just hit all at once.

I plan on celebrating the end of the world by sitting in my warm, cozy apartment watching the movie 2012 and I am Legend.

The day holds alot more for me, though.

When I found out I got my pregnancy with Baby Cay confirmed, I learned that my due date would be December 21st, 2011. Whether I would have actually had my baby on that day is a whole different story, but as things happened, this is the day I will celebrate the memory of my child.

Last year, this was an incredibly tough day on me. Since there would be no grave for my child, no memorial service, no way to remember him but in my heart itself, I wanted to have something. So I got a tattoo in remembrance. I figured a teddy bear would be best. I wanted something to represent that I called him my Christmas baby, so I got a Santa hat. I put flowers in the teddy bear's hands. Pink and blue since we didn't actually know the sex and a black one in the middle for his death. I also wanted to incorporate the day we lost him.

For those of you who didn't read the previous post, I call my baby Cay because we had already chosen names. Kayden James for a boy or Cadence Alexis for a girl. Cay incorporated both of those.


I will never forget my child. I plan on trying to have children again someday. Someday when I'm settled down, happily married, with a stable home. Although I will hold those children tightly and love them deeply, they will not erase the memory of my first child.

Some days, when I think of the child I have lost, I wish I was religious so that I could actually believe that I will go to Heaven and someday I will meet that first child of mine and we could catch up on things and talk of what could have been. 

December 21 is in 6 days now. Since I am broke, I will not be able to do anything in memorial for my dead child. I will not be able to have a cake that I would have had for him turning one year old. I will not be able to plant a tree. I will not have anyone to talk to about my sorrows on that day. Most importantly of all, I will not have the child in my arms that should have been on this earth a full year now.

I did find a support website with one brilliant idea that I do plan on doing for my child this year. I plan on creating a memory box. I'm still working on the details of where I'm going to get the box. I need an old shoe box, so if anyone has one that they would like to donate, that would be greatly appreciated. I plan on painting it and putting some very special things inside.
-a letter to my baby telling him how much I love him and anything else I'd like to say to him
-the blanket that my grandma gave me that i planned on swaddling my little one in. The blanket i slept with every night for weeks after my miscarriage.
-a small journal detailing my feelings
-a home made death certificate
-a poem I read that helped ease the pain
-my ultrasound pictures
-my baby book as far as I filled it out into the pregnancy
-a pink and blue ribbon like the one below

I recently, actually just today, found out that there is a support month and ribbon for mother's who have lost a child. It can be all of the month of October, but is particularly targeted for October 15th.


So for all of those who have lost a child or know anyone who has lost a child, take at least this one time of the year to maybe talk to them about it. Let them know that although you may not understand to the full extent how this feels, that you are there to talk to them if they need it. Offer to be that shoulder to cry on.



Sunday, November 27, 2011

Love is Like a Lawnmower

Love is Like a Lawnmower...

My freshman year of college, I had English Comp II every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. My english instructor was the type to have notes all over the board when you walked in and the best way to piddle through class without actually learning anything was to copy them all down before he erased it all and began writing the exact same thing for the his third run of the same lesson that day.

One Friday I walked into his classroom, ten minutes earlier as usual, and the only thing written on the board was in big letters. It said "Love is like a lawnmower..." I was puzzled by this, because 1. I had never heard love compared to a lawnmower EVER in my life and because 2. this was so uncharacteristic of my professor.

I sat puzzled trying to think of how love could be like a lawnmower and even went as far as to google it, still finding minimal results.When my instructor walked in that day the first thing he asked us was how we thought love was like a lawnmower. The old creepy guy across the room said "because once we get sick of them, we go out and get a new one." At the time it seemed crude and not particularly humorous. (it could help that I was entirely too creeped out over this guy because he used to stare at me in class). Now that I look back on it, the humor doesn't really shine through, but the point does.

Love is like a lawnmower, because when it's not working, you have to try something else.

I've been thinking alot about past break-ups recently. Most of you who know me and have known me for many years know my boyfriend history. For those of you who don't, I'll help explain it a little. The two basic groups for me (as for most of you, probably) have been being the dumper or the dumpee.

Being the dumpee was in my earlier times of dating. Those were all my short week-month relationships. Being the dumpee always leaves me feeling like a clinger. I can never just let go. I can be such a sap. I'll listen to heart-breaking music and start reading/writing poetry and all that sad shit. I tried to guilt them into taking me back, saying they barely got to know me before they let me go. It never worked, I had no sense of charm back then. Being the dumpee was always rough. I was so melodramatic when I was young. I would stay cooped up in my room balling my eyes out writing in my "journal." I was in my early teens, give me a break. :P We all know adolescence is the hardest time.

Being the dumper is sometimes worse than being the dumpee. Then you've got the clinger I was once. The thing about dumping someone is it doesn't mean you don't love them anymore, it just means that it's not working. I don't think I understood that when I was the dumpee. Being the dumper when I was still in my 16, 17 stage was awful. I said silly things like "Maybe we'll get another chance." Now that seems so silly to say without believing it. Once, I was put in the situation where I had been dating a guy for a few months and wouldn't touch the "L word." When we broke up, he said it. "I love you." I said it back even though I didn't mean it. I figured "Where's the harm? I already said it was over." That was a huge mistake. I wouldn't do it again now no matter what.

Love is general is an intimidating thing. There's no drawn out, set line of what kind of love there is for different people in your life. It's got so many shades of gray, no one can figure it out.

Eventually though, It works out. You get it right.





I hope one day I'll finally get it right.


I think next time, I'll write a rant on the girl that got away.
So keep in touch.






 

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Letters

It's difficult not to write you every single day. The first week you were gone I struggled to find a way to find stamps and envelopes as cheap as possible. Stamps I had to pay for, but friends were happy to give me envelopes.

I wrote the first letter on a Sunday after I read the letter you got to me. I drove to the post office Monday morning to get stamps and send my letter. Monday night, I kept myself busy with friends. Tuesday, I still had more to say. I always have more to say to you. We never once ran out of words with eachother. Tuesday night I wrote my second letter. Wednesday, I walked my happy ass to the post office as soon as I woke up to send my letter to you. It was definitely worth it. It's Thursday now. I just worked a 9 hour shift (11:30pm to 6:30am) and I have to be back at 5:00pm. I'm staying up to write another letter to you to tell you how everything went.

I really want to find a "wish you were here" card, because I really really wish he was here.