We're Just Two Lost Souls Swimming in a Fish Bowl

Today is the day we would've found out if our beautiful little baby
would be a Kayden or Cadence.


You were so excited for that.
You were looking forward to it.
You joked that I was teasing you when I talked about it.




I wish baby Kay was here.
I wish you were here.

The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says of our love for you.

Thoughts For the Child I Lost

I found this online today and it really hit home for me. Unfortunately, I cannot find an original author, but I felt the need to share it for others who have been in this situation. I also wanted to put it in a place that I knew I could always come back to it.

Thoughts For the Child I Lost
There might come a day in the future
When I don't think about you constantly,
Wonder what you would have looked like,
What color your hair would have been,
And how your smile might have looked.
There might come a day sometime in the future
When I don't wonder what I did wrong.
When I won't blame myself.
When the sharp blade of pain will become dull.
Wehn I can accept this as meant to be.
There might come a day sometime in the future
When I carry another child
And though I love him beyond measure
And though I will hold him a little tighter,
And though he will be my child,
He won't be you.
There might come a day sometime in the future
When I am happy again.
When I can let go.
When I can look at another baby without aching for you.
But it won't be today.



I also want to once again post this photo, because I can't seem to look at it enough. This was the last photo of my baby I got at roughly 10 weeks.

and a picture of a forget me not flower for, i hope, obvious reasons.



I can't find my way home

I'm here to tell you...

There are only so many words
that you can arrange together
cluster after cluster
and still make it sound poetic.

Today, I'm here to tell you
that i'm running out of words
far quicker than i had imagined.

If you want to know the truth
it's that i'm in a rut
i'm spiralling down into a pit
that i escaped long ago.

I'm just here to tell you
that I feel like Dorothy
because i can't find my way home

and i'm running out of ways to tell you
Speaking to you is like
speaking to a brick wall
it won't do you one little bit of good
there's no interpretation

Somedays, I feel the need to chill out
just for a couple hours
be a little more like Stargirl
and lose myself in the cool bite of winter mornings.

I wrote this in January of 2009, but it seems to fit right now so i decided to go ahead and post it.