Where is My Mind?

I know I've been ranting on about the movie Fight Club, but it really is amazing.

The love between Marla and the Narrator just astounds me.
They're both extremely messed up in the head,
but at least by the end they can be all sorts of messed up together.

That's probably the nicest kind of love.
If you are really fucked up in the head and someone is willing to be okay with that and love you even more for it. You both may not be alright on your own, but together is a much easier way to make it through things.

The funny thing is, when I first met Lance, he met me at a very strange time in my life.
It wasn't quite as psychotic as the narrator in Fight Club, but I was going pretty crazy inside.
I was spontaneous, reckless, impulsive, I did as I pleased.
When I look back at that time in my life, I don't really know who I was or how I became that way.

All I know is that he fell for me.
I know that he was always there for me, even when I wasn't the best to him.
Lance was the person I went to when the rest of the world was bringing me down.
He was my escape.

I'm glad he stuck around when the reality check hit.
I'm glad he's stuck around all this time he has.
He's just really...really wonderful.

I don't think I can stress that enough.

Marla Singer

I want to take a moment to talk about Marla Singer. For those of you who have no idea who Marla Singer is, she is from Fight Club. The actress that plays her is Helena Bonham Carter.





I'm not sure why, but there is something just extremely sexy not only about Helena, but about Marla Singer. She's a true character.

Here are some quotes from the movie and some pictures.

Marla's philosophy of life is that she might die at any moment. The tragedy, she said, was that she didn't.


Marla: A condom is the glass slipped of our generation. You slip one of when you meet a stranger, you dance all night....then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the stranger.

Marla Singer: I got this dress at a thrift store for one dollar. 

Narrator: It was worth every penny. 

Marla Singer: It's a bridesmaid's dress. Someone loved it intensely for one day, and then tossed it. Like a Christmas tree. So special. Then, bam, it's on the side of the road. 

[Grabs Narrator's crotch] 

Marla Singer: Tinsel still clinging to it. Like a sex crime victim. Underwear inside out. Bound with electrical tape. 

Narrator: Well, then it suits you. 

Marla Singer: You can borrow it sometime. 

Narrator: I know it seems like I have more than one side sometimes... 

Marla: 2 sides? You're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass.

Narrator: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just. 

Marla Singer: Instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?

 

Marla: You fuck me, then snub me. You love me, you hate me. You show me a sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole. Is that a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Tyler?

I'm not sure I've really made my point with this post. If I haven't, just go watch Fight Club. You'll understand why I am madly in love with her. In fact, I named my first car Marla and if I ever have a baby girl, I'd like to name her Marla (although I sincerely hope she doesn't turn out quite like this).

This is definitely my favorite character in any movie and probably my favorite movie.

Simply amazing.

I've seriously considered getting this tattooed on me.



not the fingers, but the piece of paper and her name and number. I just wonder I'll think it's silly later. We shall see. If I still want it a year from now, I'll take it into serious consideration.


Also, I almost bought a dress like this once.
The only reason I didn't is because it looked terrible on me.

This house is not a home--at least not without you.

I've been thinking alot about the things I own lately.



Monks don't even worry about material possessions. Renunciation of material possessions is one of the most essential aspects of monastic life in all traditions, eastern and western, primitive and recent.

My first car: Marla.

I had so many good times with Marla. The first time I got pulled over was in that car, about a year ago actually. I went to Illinois in that car with my boyfriend and two good friends. We met a hippie and spent the night in his apartment watching old cartoons. I had the summer of my life in that car. I had two friends climbing on the hood while I was going 55 down a Terre du lac road making a beer run for some friends. I took every-weekend trips to Elephant Rocks and Johnson Shut-ins. We called her by name and I thought she'd be with me for a long while. Unfortunately, I took her to her end and she was never seen again. I miss her and all the memories I had with her.

My first apartment, our first apartment.

Charles and I moved into our first apartment on February 8, 2011. 1 year and 3 days after we first kissed. We had a ton of fun here. It was nice to have our own livingroom with all my drawings hanging on the walls and his swords in our bedroom. It was wonderful to have our space that no one could touch if we said so. Charles is gone now, and our apartment may be soon as well. Everything we had here will disappear in its memory.

My parents won't take me in. My almost back-up home was offered then taken back, so this may be me next.

Ironic that Charles and I spoke about being homeless the last night we were together. We talked about how homeless people should sleep in tunnel slides. We talked about what it would be like to homeless together. I told him it wouldn't be so bad as long as I was with him.

Alot of things have changed since then and I won't get that luxury.

I hope he knows how much i love him.