How Are My New Years Resolutions Going?

We're nearly six months through the year now and...once again, I'm not where I thought I would be six months from the beginning of the year.

First of all, I want to show you a quick photo here. Both of these were taken this year, although it has the months on there, so I'm sure you can figure it out.

I'm am just completely stunned by how different I look in a not even 6 month time period. I hardly even look like the same person.

I set up some New Years Resolutions at the beginning of the year hoping that I would stick to them if I posted them publicly and had a place to look back on them. I set 10 goals for myself.

1. Get down to a healthy BMI. Lose 20 lbs.
2. Quit Smoking
3. Learn to crochet something other than hats, scarves, and purses.
4. Eat breakfast as often as possible.
5. Keep blogging
6. Work more
7. Write letters to my aunt Janet
8. Write to my future self at least once a month via www.futureme.org
9. Maintain healthy relationships
10. Don't get pregnant

If you want to see the original post, click here.

We're halfway through the year now, and although I haven't stuck to all of these, most of them I have. Let's take a look see.

italics=original post
Bold=my new words

1. Get Down to Healthy BMI. As of right now, I'm 5.3 and weigh 158 lbs. This is not something I'm terribly thrilled about considering I was down to 145 lbs in Summer 2011. As of right now, my BMI is 28, which is considered overweight. To get down to a "healthy" BMI, I would need to get down to 140 lbs at most. So my goal over the next year is to get down to...138. 20 lbs over a whole year. That's less than two lbs a month, doesn't seem too terribly hard. I'll start by doing sit-ups everyday. Amount to be determined.

I didn't start this at the beginning of the year. Losing weight on your own is an extremely difficult task. You have to change your way of eating and you have to make time to exercise. At the beginning of the year, I wanted to look as though I had done the hard work without actually doing so. By time I finally chose to do something about my weight this year (about 2 months ago), I had gained another 7 lbs (which isn't at all surprising looking at how I used to eat) leaving me at a grand weight of 165 lbs (BMI: 29.2--.8 from being at an "obese" weight). I give all credit to kicking me into gear to Lance Elshaug. Together, we decided we were sick at looking at ourselves in the mirror and wanted to do something about the weight we had gained. Since then we have changed out eating habits (as you have probably read in my recent blogs) and began exercising. He has pushes me to work harder and longer even when I feel like I've had enough. He encourages me to keep going and not fall into old habits again. Since the terrible weight of 165 lbs, I have lost 18 of those leaving me now at 147.2 lbs (BMI: 26.1--1.2 away from being "normal" weight). This is extremely close to my lowest weight (since I became adult height) of 145 lbs and I am extremely proud of myself. My new goal for the end of the year (or better yet, the end of the summer) is 130 lbs. So, I now have another 17 to lose, but I will surely get there with the progress I've seen in just these last two months. If I keep dropping, then gain muscle, I understand that I will go up in weight. That will be just fine though as long as I feel good and happy in my body (which I'm already getting very close to, so I think I'll manage).

2. Quit Smoking. I would really like to quit smoking. It's going to be extremely hard, because well...smoking is addictive. I'm going to try, throughout these next twelve months to stop. I always said, "I'll stop smoking when I get pregnant." If I wait that long, 1.) it's going to be even harder to quit when I've got a baby inside of me to keep safe and healthy and 2.) smoking ages your eggs, so I don't want to not be able to have children at all just because i'm a smoker and waited too long.

More or less, I have completely failed at this. I have another 6 months to go though, so a lot could change between now and then. I do have a bit more motivation to quit now with beginning this healthier lifestyle, because I know if I do quit I will be able to breathe better, run longer, and have more endurance overall. I tried slowing down and quitting a few times over the course of this year, but working at Accent will sure cause you to pull that cigarette right back up to your lips. Things have been stressful with having to get rid of our cat, get into a new place, and work more to get the money that we're going to need to afford our fancy new apartment.

3. Learn to crochet something other than hats, scarves, and purses. I really want to learn to make winter gloves, sweaters, gnomes, and just about everything. I've known how to crochet for about three months and have only learned to make three things. I'm really hoping to get some variety in on this.

This is another more or less situation. Within this year, I did crochet a blanket (which is not a hat, scarf, or purse), but it's more or less like crocheting a really wide scarf, so I'm not entirely sure it counts. I do intend on soon trying to make myself a nice little summer tank top to wear to the beach, so I'll give you the update on that when I get to it. As of now, I suppose I fail at this New Years Resolution.

4. Eat Breakfast as Often as Possible. Breakfast starts up your metabolism. This is a good way to start on the whole losing weight thing as well. Also, I need to work on taking my vitamins daily. This will help as well.

This has been yet another thing that has been directly affected by achieving a healthier lifestyle. I do eat breakfast whenever possible because a) it boosts your metabolism and b) it stops me from getting so hungry at work before lunch and c) egg and turkey sandwiches are extremely awesome to have in the morning and they are full of protein and vitamins. I still slack on taking my vitamins daily, but...I'm getting on that right now. Thanks for the friendly reminder, past me.

5. Keep Blogging. I want to keep blogging. It makes me happy. I get to learn about new things and even about myself. This is definitely something I want to keep doing throughout the rest of the year and hopefully for a few years following. At least until I get caught up in a full time job, school, and/or children and a family.

At the beginning of the year, my intention was to continue blogging every single day as I had been. I gave up on that because it began stressing me out trying to find new ideas to blog about (although Lance's step-dad, Jason, gave me a few that I really should tackle sometime soon). I haven't stopped completely though (obviously). I stopped for awhile, because there were other extremely hectic things going on in life, but I'm back up and going now (although mostly with fitness related things) and blogging (usually) at least once a week.

6. Work More. I want to work more in 2013. Actually, I don't want to work more, I just want to make more money. More money=more work. In any case, I want to work enough so that I can put back $20 for every paycheck. This will give me $520 by the end of the year. You can do some mighty fine things with $520.

This one I completely failed at until it was entirely necessary (about a month ago, now).  I continued calling out of work and taking up all the ATO (approved time off) Accent had to offer. That place is overall stressful and depressing the moment you walk in the door. When we found out we were more or less getting kicked out of our apartment (it was move out or get rid of Edgeworth) a month ago, we gave our 30 days notice and starting picking up all the overtime they had to offer to get in enough hours to find us a new place. Now, we're working at least 30 of our 32 hours a week (if not more) and will be moving into a lovely 2 bedroom apartment with washer, dryer, and a dishwasher at the end of this month.

7. Write Letters to my Aunt Janet. I have fallen nearly completely out of touch with my Dad's side of the family since my Grandpa died. I'm not much of a phone talker and I don't venture to Fredricktown unless I'm actually there to see that side of the family. So, I'd really like to start writing letters to my Aunt. I know it would make her happy and I like writing and receiving letters. There's something nice about having to wait for the response instead of getting it hours after you've sent yours.

I have 100% failed at this. I haven't even managed to get my Aunt Janet's address. If I did, then I've lost it. So...I should jump on that.

8. Write to My Future Self at Least Once a Month. There's this website, it's called Future Me. You can write e-mails to yourself, and then the website sends them to your e-mail address whenever in the future you decided you wanted to send them. For example, I've got a letter coming to me tomorrow (actually, it will be sent tonight at midnight) that I wrote to myself on July 8th, 2011. I'm fairly excited to read it, actually. I'll definitely be logging into my e-mail at midnight tonight. I'm always excited for these letters, which is why I want to write a letter every month to my future self. I advise you to create an account and do the same. It's really neat.

I did really well with this the first couple of months out of the year, but alas I did fall away from it. I do have it on my favorites tab at the top of my screen and think about doing it often enough; It's just that once I actually get to the page I can never think of exactly what I want to say to my future self. I'll write one very soon and send it two or three years into the future as a gem for the 23-24 year old me to find. Oh boy, It's strange to think that it will seem like no time at all until I'm in my mid 20's.

9. Maintain Healthy Relationships. I want to ensure that my relationship with Lance stays healthy. I want to make sure we continue to talk before we go to bed. I want to be silly with him and make sure to tell him I love him as much as I do. I also want to make sure to maintain healthy relationships with my friends by being honest with them and spending as much time as possible with them.

I can't say really whether I've failed or succeeded with this one. My relationship with Lance has definitely grown stronger. We don't always talk before we go to bed, but when we do we end up doing so for a couple of hours before we finally look at the clock and decide we should probably shut our mouths and get some sleep. We've definitely gotten closer on this journey to a healthier lifestyle. We spend a lot of time talking about foods that are good for us and why, recipes we should really get the ingredients for to try out, and what different exercises can do for us. We also spend a lot of time talking about who we are and where we might be a few years from now. As far as my friends go, I can't say it has been as much of a success story. I haven't been able to spend as much time with them because I've been so wrapped up in my own life and they have been pretty wrapped up in theirs. Between me, Adam and Dani, we're all at different points in our lives and going through and doing different things. We're still all great friends and love each other until the world's end, but we don't get to see each other or hang out nearly as often as we used to.

10.) Don't Get Pregnant. Always a good resolution. I am not planning on getting pregnant in 2013. I need to have awhile to be 21. I've got to have all the fun I can. Settling down and having a family at a young age can lead to a lot of regrets and I want as few of those as possible.

I am 100% winning at this one. We're 6 months into the year and I am definitely not knocked up. I'm 20 years old and I keep seeing all my peers I went to high school with popping out two and three kids. I don't know how or why. Don't get me wrong, kids are great...sort of. I definitely do want to have a child someday and be the best mother I can be. That's exactly it though, I want to be the BEST mother I can be. I would be terrible at being a mother right now. I've barely got my own life figured out, much less can I handle having to take care of another life and putting someone else's every need and want before mine. I want to turn 21 and be able to go out and drink with my friends at the bar without having to find a baby sitter. I want to freely be able to go on hikes and out to lunch without having to worry about a rambunctious child. Mostly, I just want to be able to go to Wal-mart or out walking at 3 am. Children are supposed to be asleep at 3 am, not at Wal-mart. There are so many things that a child prevents you from doing. Again, this doesn't mean I don't ever want children, but this is something that I'll be looking forward to a few years down the road and definitely not anytime soon. I want to live my own life before I have to focus on molding someone else's.

Things To Consider Before Having Children

Today, I'm going to talk about things you should consider before having a child. Now that I've been out of school for two years, it seems all my friends are going off, getting married, and having children. Babies are very exciting and all, but many of them I don't believe are ready for children and I know that these children were planned. So here I am, blogging about things to consider before trying to have a child.



Having a child is a huge responsibility. A child is not something that you can keep for a few months or even for just a few years and then get rid of or pawn off on someone else like people do pets. I think most people who have children only see the cute sweet part of babies and don't look into the difficulties of parenting.

First of all, have you experienced all of the life that you want to or that you okay without experience for the next eighteen years?
As I said previously, Having a child is a commitment. Once that baby gets here, he or she is to be your main priority. You need to be willing to put all of that baby's wants and needs above yours.Once the baby gets here, you won't be able to take that trip to Paris you've always wanted to anytime soon. Once the baby gets here, you won't even be able to go to the grocery store in the winter without making sure your child is all layered up and getting him in and out of the car seat at each stop.

Who are you having this child with?
The obvious answer is probably your spouse, but think further into it. Is this person going to wake up at 3 am to feed the baby, too? Are you going to have to do it all the time? Is s/he going to change share responsibilities of changing and bathing your child?

Have you ever experienced having a baby before?
Many people only see the good in children. They're adorable. They look just like you. They're also a lot of work. They need to be watched constantly. They have to be taken everywhere, even to that nice restaurant lunch. They need to be fed, changed, and watched to make sure they're not throwing up or nothing is going wrong. They need a lot attention and love.

Have you considered multiples, Disabilities, etc.?
Maybe so far you've thought, "that's fine" or "I'm good with this list, I think I'm ready." Here's a new thing to consider. What is you have two or three? Oh shit! This generally happens when there are multiples in your family, but take it into consideration. You can't just kill one off if you only want one. Also, consider disabilities. I know I personally have a disease that runs in my family that my dad and his brother and sister died from. We believe it skips a generation. If I ever have a child, s/he could have this disease and have a lot of physical problems in life...I would also more than likely outlive my child. This is something I have to take into serious consideration before I have children. Be prepared if you may have multiples or a child with physical or mental disabilities. If you don't believe you can handle those possibilities, you're not ready to have children.

Do you have the support of family and friends?
This may not seem like a big deal, but it is. Having a baby is tough work and without people to support you it can become a very stressful situation. After a few weeks of having a newborn and realizing that your child will not let you sleep more than 2 hours a night, you're going to need a break. Supporting family and friends will often take your child off your hands for a few hours so that you can have a nice lunch without a screaming child or can actually get a few hours of sleep. Also, support causes the situation to be much less stressful for you and your child.

Location, Location!
Have you thought about where you live? Location is extremely important when you have a child. Are there good day cares in the area? Is the school one that you want your child growing up in or is it known for violence and drugs? Is the area safe enough to let your child play out in the yard? Seriously consider where you are living before having a child. More than likely, once the baby comes, you won't be moving anytime soon.

Do you have your career on the roll or are you still working towards it?
Careers are not easy with babies. If you don't already have your college done and a job already lined up, things are going to get a whole lot harder with a child. Being a full time mom is hard enough, but being a full time mom with a full time job and still trying to get her career worked out is next to impossible.

Have you decided how many or how far apart?
More than likely if you want children, you've thought of how many you want. Maybe you want a boy first and then you want to have a girl two years later so that the boy can kick the butts of the boyfriends that hurt her. You have to think carefully about this because once you start having children, you have to be prepared one when you're going to try to have your next one and whether you will be ready for it. Having children far apart can be even more stressful. If you have children 5 years apart, one will be in school needing help with homework and the other will be a newborn needing constant care.

Can you afford it?
Children are costly. Diapers aren't cheap and it's another mouth to feed. You also have to take into consideration that you will have to set back money for clothes, school supplies, a college fund, and eventually a care.

Can you cook?
Cooking is an essential part of having children. It may be cheaper now to go out and eat everyday or maybe you just make Mac N Cheese for dinner like we do. When a child comes into the picture, you have to actually cook. Children need to be healthy and it's expensive to take a child out to eat for every meal.

Have you and your partner discussed your goals and how you are going to read them?
When having a child, it's important to be on the same page as your partner. You're not the only one with dreams. Has s/he done what s/he wants to in life before having children? Make sure. If one of you wants a child and one of you wants to pursue a goal and you have a child, it can lead to resentment.

Do you both know how to raise a child and respect each other as parents?
You don't want to have one of those relationships where the child can come to mom about something and she says no and then the child runs to dad and he says yes. This will cause a lot of fights for parents and in the end, more stress for the child. There needs to be clear communication and lines. You need to sit and talk about your views on parenting before you actually have to be parents.

Would you be able to raise a child on your own?
Anything can happen. When I was two years old, my dad died. He had that disease I spoke of earlier, but he was only 22. No one expected him to die, no one saw it coming more than a few weeks before. You need to make sure that you would be able to raise this child on your own if anything were to happen before you jump into having a kid.

Have you addressed the issue of life insurance, etc?
Although life insurance before children is a luxury, after is a necessity. It's part of your responsibility to make sure that if anything happens to you that your children are taken care of.

Having children may seem like an easy thing to do, but it's not. All of these things are things that need serious consideration before you decide to even think about having children. Even missing just one can lead to disaster. So here's your guide list, folks.

follow it.


Children are expensive, so make sure to take a gander at Pros and Cons of Getting a Credit Card.

December 21st, 2012

For everyone, December 21, 2012 is supposed to be "the day the world ends." The day the rapture happens, or the zombie outbreak starts, or a shit ton of natural disasters just hit all at once.

I plan on celebrating the end of the world by sitting in my warm, cozy apartment watching the movie 2012 and I am Legend.

The day holds alot more for me, though.

When I found out I got my pregnancy with Baby Cay confirmed, I learned that my due date would be December 21st, 2011. Whether I would have actually had my baby on that day is a whole different story, but as things happened, this is the day I will celebrate the memory of my child.

Last year, this was an incredibly tough day on me. Since there would be no grave for my child, no memorial service, no way to remember him but in my heart itself, I wanted to have something. So I got a tattoo in remembrance. I figured a teddy bear would be best. I wanted something to represent that I called him my Christmas baby, so I got a Santa hat. I put flowers in the teddy bear's hands. Pink and blue since we didn't actually know the sex and a black one in the middle for his death. I also wanted to incorporate the day we lost him.

For those of you who didn't read the previous post, I call my baby Cay because we had already chosen names. Kayden James for a boy or Cadence Alexis for a girl. Cay incorporated both of those.

I will never forget my child. I plan on trying to have children again someday. Someday when I'm settled down, happily married, with a stable home. Although I will hold those children tightly and love them deeply, they will not erase the memory of my first child.

Some days, when I think of the child I have lost, I wish I was religious so that I could actually believe that I will go to Heaven and someday I will meet that first child of mine and we could catch up on things and talk of what could have been. 

December 21 is in 6 days now. Since I am broke, I will not be able to do anything in memorial for my dead child. I will not be able to have a cake that I would have had for him turning one year old. I will not be able to plant a tree. I will not have anyone to talk to about my sorrows on that day. Most importantly of all, I will not have the child in my arms that should have been on this earth a full year now.

I did find a support website with one brilliant idea that I do plan on doing for my child this year. I plan on creating a memory box. I'm still working on the details of where I'm going to get the box. I need an old shoe box, so if anyone has one that they would like to donate, that would be greatly appreciated. I plan on painting it and putting some very special things inside.

-a letter to my baby telling him how much I love him and anything else I'd like to say to him

-the blanket that my grandma gave me that i planned on swaddling my little one in. The blanket i slept with every night for weeks after my miscarriage.

-a small journal detailing my feelings

-a home made death certificate

-a poem I read that helped ease the pain

-my ultrasound pictures

-my baby book as far as I filled it out into the pregnancy

-a pink and blue ribbon like the one below

I recently, actually just today, found out that there is a support month and ribbon for mother's who have lost a child. It can be all of the month of October, but is particularly targeted for October 15th.

So for all of those who have lost a child or know anyone who has lost a child, take at least this one time of the year to maybe talk to them about it. Let them know that although you may not understand to the full extent how this feels, that you are there to talk to them if they need it. Offer to be that shoulder to cry on.