Some Days, I Miss the 17-year-old Me

It's been sort of a rough night. So, I decided to rummage through my things and find an old journal so I could feel better about who I am now compared to who I was in whichever journal I picked out. This seemed like a good idea in theory, but there is just one problem. I picked out my Happy Notebook from 2010. Therefor, this thing has absolutely nothing depressing in it. Mostly, It just makes me want to be 17 again.

I'm going to give you a few excerpts from it and you might see why I miss it so much.

Her: I love you.

Him: I love you more.

Her: Now, now. Don't be betting on things like that.

Him: I would bet my soul on it.

Her: Now that's not a safe bet at all.

Him: Well, if I lose it, It's yours and I trust you with it.

Her: I suppose that's a safe enough deal then.

I miss texting boyfriends. This was such a sweet time in life. I didn't live with boyfriends. It's a lot harder for them to get sick of you this way. There's a lot more time before they think of other girls and what they could offer.

"Last night I went to a bad ass house party. I'm talking about the kind of high school parties you see on television, the type that dreams are made of. There were live bands and everyone was dancing and swaying in time. There were people scattered throughout the house. The band in one room with merchandise sales in the next. Large groups of people socializing in the kitchen to people they knew and people they wanted to know. Everyone was laughing and talking in this smoke filled house, each with their own red solo cup, ready for a night they could never forget. Dancing. Smiling. Laughing. It's been awhile since I had that much fun."

I want to go to things like this. Now that I'm older, I'm supposed to have more freedom. I'm supposed to do crazy things and have wild nights. I'm supposed to be getting into trouble and getting in all the fun I can. Somehow, I sit at home online at least 6 out of the 7 nights a week.

(Also, I just read that originally I had planned on getting a green apple on my hip as my first tattoo instead of my autumn leaves. I'm seriously considering getting that now to remind me of...being 17 and untouchable.)

Here are some lyrics that I just felt were relevent then and now.

"This is how it works,

you peer inside yourself. 

You take the things you like 

and try to love the things you took. 

Then you take that love you made

and stick it into someone else's heart

pumping someone else's blood."

February 19, 2010

"We stayed up until 2am.

Just sitting next to each other and drawing

critiquing and giving new ideas

Art never felt so beautiful"

How To Be Wild at Heart:

1. Know who you are by forgiving who you are not.

2. Accept and move on, but never give up

3. Never be dissatisfied with what you have

4. Treasure your dreams

5. Heed warnings from those you respect

6. Avoid materialism

7. Get out, Clear your heart, Let Go

8. Figure out who you are apart from everyone else

9. Contribute to others well being

I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiled even when her heart was broken and the one that could always brighten up your day, even when she couldn't brighten up her own.

There you go folks. There is pretty well the excerpt of my life January-February of 2010.