Carpe Diem.

You've been gone three weeks now. Three weeks! That's not a happy exclamation, not in the slightest. It's been three weeks since you were taken. It's been six weeks since our baby was taken as well. In 9 days, It will be a whole month since you last slept in bed with me. It's 16 months and 3 days since you decided to take that leap of faith and give me a chance.

I was wondering about that last night...
I was wondering what let you finally kiss me.
Was it just the thought of "Why not? What the hell do I have to lose?"
I bet it was, but I don't mind.
If I could've seen us now...I would've thought I was surely seeing wrong.

 The day after we first kissed.

Carpe Diem.

That's what they say: "sieze the day." You know, like the Avenged Sevenfold song: "Sieze the day or die regretting the time you lost." I'm considering getting this tattoo directly under my Bee tattoo. I've thought about getting a Carpe Diem tattoo several times, but it seemed to overdone. Now that things are kind of happening without giving me time to first appreciate what I've gone (Alanis Morissette: "I have no concept of time other than it is flying"). Carpe Diem. I should've enjoyed my days more when I was pregnant. I thought I'd have plenty of time to enjoy it considering I figured I'd be in the state for 9 months. Whenever I knew what was happening, I knew I hadn't appreciated it enough and I was going to lose it before I even got the chance to. I remember seeing that strong little heartbeat on my first ultrasound, I could not have fallen anymore in love at that point.

I'm also considering placing it below my bee tattoo for 2 reasons. 1. They made it a little too high, so i'd like something under it. 2. See previous Blog: "Bee--It's not me" Although the Bee doesn't really define me as a person anymore, it's part of me what I hold dear and the memories of my schoolyears that I cherish.

I rarely took for granted my time with Charles. He liked staying up late and I liked waking up early. When I worked, we worked different schedules. When I didn't work, he was too busy working all the time trying to keep us afloat. I always wanted to see him because I was never able to get enough of him.