Self-Discovery

I'm realizing this blog has become alot about my own self-discovery. At first, I thought I was writing to keep people in the loop. I don't talk much anymore, especially about what's going on in my head, so I figured I'd let people who were interested know what was going on via blog. The more I started writing, I realized I was doing it more for myself. I've never been good with words, (you should have seen me during Public Speaking. It was embarassing) so when I write the right things just seem to come out more often (maybe it's that glorious backspace button).

My thoughts on being alone:
Being alone is a strange thing for me, then again, maybe it is for everyone. Growing up, I had friends, but I never had alot of them. Being an only child, I spent most of my time alone. Not until my 8th grade year did I become somewhat of a social butterfly. I began to love being around big groups of people and being emersed in something that wasn't all mine. I've always had a boyfriend to take up my time, even if he wasn't my very favorite person he was always a person to fall back on when everyone else let me down. Now, my boyfriend is gone, but he's still my number 1. However, I don't get to fall back on him so much now. When I'm lonely, I can't go to him. I don't want to be with anyone else that isn't my primary person, though. It doesn't feel right, especially with the way I feel about Charles. I hate being alone, too. It makes me feel tired and without purpose. I don't want to be around people, but I don't want to be alone. This...is lame. I'll stick with being alone for now.

My Concept of Time:
I have a terribly concept of time or at least I always thought I did. If an event happened, I couldn't tell you the month and if it was more than a year ago, the year. Charles always made me laugh when he told me I had a great concept of time, but I guess he was sort of right. I don't really measure time by the hours, months, or years. I seem to measure it by events (so that's how seasons of love originated). If someone asked me something I could tell you "Oh, that's when I was dating so and so" or "that was when so and so and I did this." I like measuring time that way, it doesn't make me feel so trapped in the clock. I can't believe how quickly life is passing me by.

My Thoughts on Discovering Myself:
Since Charles is gone and my internet will be disconnected sometime in the next 2 weeks, I believe, I'm working on doing some self-discovery. I want to learn about myself through writing and primarily drawing. I want to learn to kick ass at some first person shooter games so I can be the girl that can game with the guys. I want to stay up all night listening the radio and teaching myself to sing again. I want to take time to do all the things I enjoy that I haven't really taken the time to do in a long time. I want to learn to put my all into everything and not half-ass things anymore.

My Thoughts on Self-Portraits:
I've done alot of self-portraits since I started drawing again in the last year. I'm going to post a few of them on here and give the round-about time of the drawing. I like doing self-portraits because they help me find out sort of how I view myself at the time.

October 2010

November 2010

November 2010

December 2010

January 2011

January 2011

February 2011

February 2011

June 2011

June 2011