Social Media, Man.

Snapshat seems so vain...like, you're pretty much just sending people pictures of you and what you're doing. That seems so bizarre to me. I've been told I don't "get it" because I'm in a long term relationship, but from what I've heard that its pretty much a way to get single ladies to send you nude pictures since you can't "save" the pictures. Screenshot does exist on phones these days, ladies.

I guess I can't say much. I'm on instagram which is basically the same thing, but to everyone, so I'm not getting those dirty pictures out and about. I mostly post pictures I'm proud of following the previous five of my cats.

Social media is just weird in general. Think about those words: Social Media.

The definition on dictionary.com is "websites and other online means ofcommunication that are used by large groups of people to share information and to develop social and professional contacts." However, when we look at the words apart... Social: "seeking or enjoying the companionship ofothers" and media "the means ofcommunication, as radio and television, newspapers, and magazines, that reach or influence people widely." Basically, what I'm getting at is social media is kind of....weird.

Those last five words of the definition of media, "reach or influence people widely," stand out to me most. When it comes to social media, we share the moments that we want others to see. We share the party pictures, visiting important momuments, summer adventures, and the moments that make us and our sigificant other seem flawless. The people on your facebook, twitter, instagram, and whatever else is out there...they don't see the moments you were crying in the bathroom because your crush was paying more attention to some other girl more than you, when you got lost on the way to said monument and almost cried because unfamiliar places scare the living hell out of you, when you got too drunk to make it to the toilet to vomit and puked all the way down the hallway, or that big fight that you and you're S.O. got into when you were being a complete bitch at the party and didn't realize because you were too fucked up to function.

When I drink, I become sort of a facebook stalker (don't judge me). I'll scroll through my updates like we all do and think to myself, "I wonder what they're up to." Then I tend to go to their page, look through they're updates from the last three months, go through their pictures, and see what their work/relationship history has been in the last 6 months. Often, I find myself jealous at first. "Look at the parties they've been going to; They look like a riot." "Man, they've been together for 3 years and they still like they love each other to no ends and couldn't stand to spend 5 minutes without each other."

Then I step back and distance myself for a moment and look at my own Facebook profile. Then I realize "Holy shit, They're no better off than I am." When you look at my profile, it seems like I have had no bad moments in the last..several years. I have pictures of good times at the bar, house parties, small shindigs, perfect photos of Lancelot and I going on adventures, and updates that depict how great life is going for me.





Don't get me wrong. Lancelot and I get into fights about who is going to clean the litter box, I've been the girl crying in the bathroom, and financial situations haven't always been the easiest on us. When I look back on it all though, I realize I'm one lucky lady. Lancelot and I hardly ever fight, I'm always making new friends, and I get the opportunity to have spontaneous fun experiences more than most.

 So, I advise you, next time you use some form of social media, don't judge you're life by it. Everyone has their struggles and their bad moments, but no one ever takes photos of those; If they do, hardly anyone is cruel enough to actually post them. What you see online is not what actually what's going on, it's the very best of it.

As 90's kids, we expect so much more from life because the internet has tought us that. Don't use that as discouragement, use it to make something bigger and better than everything you've seen. Go to college, travel, make a difference. Don't sit around taking pity on yourselves. Use it as inspiration to make the things you see online everything you can (and hopefully will) be in your lives.

I wish the best of luck to all of you!

Not So Beautiful

Here are some statistics I got from the Dove Website.

Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful.
Only 11% of girls globally are comfortable using the word beautiful to describe themselves.
72% of girls feel tremendous pressure to be beautiful
80% of women agree that every woman has something about her that is beautiful but do not see their own beauty. 

When I was younger, I was a chubby kid. This is the oldest photograph I could find, but here it is.

I'm the one in the black half jacket. In this photo, I was 13 years old, I believe. At this point in time, I didn't have a huge problem with my weight. My biggest issue was that I hadn't had any boys interested in me since the 4th grade. At 13, this should not have been my biggest worry, but it was. This was the age where all the other girls were getting boyfriends they actually kissed and I was stuck in the backround being fat little Brittany.


I decided that this is what I needed to look like. I needed this perfect shape and that lovely gap between my thighs. After I lost my virginity to a guy I didn't want to, I started to actively try to get my weight down. I've never liked healthy foods, so I didn't eat healthier. I didn't eat at all, actually. Maybe a couple of cookies a day, but that was it. This was the summer before my eighth grade year. I walked all the way across town and never sat down. I began losing weight and I liked what I saw.

This is the outlook I had. I couldn't be too skinny. The less I weighed, the better it was. My mother began to worry about me. When I got my first real boyfriend is September of 2006, I was proud of myself. I had lost a lot of weight. I was sticking to it. One day when he was over, we were all eating lunch. By this point, I had started eating a little more than I was during the summertime, but I still didn't eat as much as I used to. I walked into the kitchen and overheard my mother talking to him. "You need to watch her and make sure she eats, or she won't." I can still remember exactly the way she sounded. She knew.

I eventually fell away from practically starving myself as I become comfortable with who I was and what I had, but these images are still hard to stomach. When I see girls like this, I want to be them. I don't care if I am a great weight, I want hip bones like this. I want defined collarbones. I want to be skinny again.

The sad truth of the matter is, I will never be this thin. When Charles went to jail, I went back to practically starving myself, except it wasn't my choice. It didn't last for too long because I had some good people come into my life that fed me well. I did lose a lot of weight though. I lost nearly 20 pounds and got down to an average B.M.I. I became the thinnest I've ever been. It didn't look great on me, either.

I had the defined collarbones, but my cheeks began to sink in.
I began to look sickly instead of beautiful.
Here is a photo of that time:




My body is not built to be that kind of thin.
Even if I were to get down to such a small weight,
I would only look as though I had been doing hardcore drugs for the last few years.

There is no hope and it kills me a little inside.


Don't forget to take a look at Barbie Threatens Our Children's Self-Esteem