2015 going on 2016, Baby It's Time to Think

At this point, it's sort of tradition for me to write an end of the year blog post. I've been slacking at writing this, well, entire year, but it's been a fairly busy one.

I received a letter from year ago me (via Future Me) a few days ago, and it let me really see how different things were a year ago. Honestly, it was pretty bleak. It mentioned that I had no idea where my relationship was going, that I hated the idea of marriage (as opposed to a year earlier when I was just getting engaged), and ended on the very sour note of "Life sucks and I have absolutely nothing positive to send to you, future Bee. Fucking cheers. Time to drink the next year of my life away and be bitched out for it." Obviously I was struggling deeply at this time last year.

I had no idea that this year would bring me so many unexpected surprises and that I would feel like a whole new person by now. It really is crazy how much things can change in a year.

The first three months of the year, I continued on my self-destructive path until I found out I was pregnant. I stopped drinking and suddenly the world became a little clearer. Since it would be months before I found out the sex, I started calling this thing growing inside of me my little moon child since she was conceived when I worked overnights and lived in the dark morning (the time after an overnighter's shift when they do normal night time things like drinking with friends). I called her my personal savior for stopping my drinking and helping me veer from the road of destruction I was becoming so comfortable with. On December 5, I gave birth to a beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed little girl name Guinevere Luna Mae Hinkle. She couldn't do wrong by her name and showed up at 12:45 a.m. and now I couldn't imagine a life without her.

I had a summer full of catching up with old friends and making new ones. I went swimming, walked every day, got really tan from being outside so much, and managed to find my new home with two of the most wonderful people I've ever met. Brian and Vanessa took me in early during the summer and have always made me feel as though this is where I always belonged. Vanessa is pretty much a pregnancy pro and was such a wonderful support system during this whole new experience of my life. She walked me through my worries, she was there during my gender reveal ultrasound, she was the first to feel baby Gwen kick and she was the one the one that walked me through my entire labor from timing my contractions to losing her shit with me when the doctor's told me it was officially time to push to get Gwen into this world. I couldn't imagine having had anyone better there.

This year I did something I've wanted to do since I was 14 and got my lip pierced (although it closed up when I had to take all my piercings out in case they had to rush me into surgery during labor), became more educated on worldly news (Thanks You, National Public Radio), and made some killer new friends.

I've done a ton of hiking, attempted to be a bit more impulsive, and I'm still working on becoming a better, happier person. I have such wonderful people in my life now and I have to consider that I want to be someone my daughter can look up to. I have high hopes for 2016.