Let's take a moment here to talk about tattoos. I am a huge fan, but some people aren't. A lot of people get tattoos for no particular reason. These people are the ones who walk into the tattoo shop with no particular idea what they want and just pick out something on the wall. These are the people who tell others that they need more tattoos, constantly and see no reason why everyone shouldn't have a ton.Then there are the people who only get tattoos for things they are really passionate about like their children's names. I'm also putting the people who don't believe in tattooing period in this group. These are the people who generally give the lecture "You're going to regret those when you get older."
I have a very in between view. I have 10 tattoos, each very carefully selected. My tattoos each represent a point in my life or part of who I am. I'm actually going to take this moment to talk about them and show you a few.
My first ever tattoo was shortly before my 17th birthday. I got autumn maple leaves and wind. I got this to represent that I am ever changing. Autumn is also my favorite season (not my best thought out tattoo, but I still love it).
On my 18th birthday, I got my self-harm tattoo. This one I thought out a good year before getting it. I actually drew this up myself. I let cutting control my entire life for four years. Getting that tattoo was the promise to myself to not let it control me ever again. For the four years, I put four red dots over each eye. The blood running down the mask represented all the blood lost in those years hurting myself and subsequently, everyone around me. I had been looking for words to put around this for months and one night during a thunderstorm (I was terrified of those), while going through a rough time in life, I received a text saying "The storm will pass, they always do." These words were perfect.
"Hooray for the Madness" These words are the first words from a Motion City Soundtrack (my favorite band) song. I fell in love with the way they said, "Hey, Life is crazy. Go with it. If it weren't crazy and unpredictable, life would be no fun at all."
I have two anchor tattoos on my feet. This...is actually my most pointless tattoo. I've always had this weird thing for anchors. When I was in high school, I saw a girl with anchors drawn on her feet and couldn't get over how...magical they looked. Okay, well maybe magical is the wrong word, but in any case, they stuck with me. It had to be my freshman year when I saw this girl. When the image still stuck with me as a senior, I realized that I really wanted to get them tattooed on me. So I did.
I've been called Bee since I was 13 years old. In fact, there are many people I've met that don't actually know my real name. When my friends knocked on my door, they always asked "Is Bee here?" and my grandpa would get so confused. Eventually he caught on, but it was funny when he didn't. I've considered legally changing my name for awhile, now, but doubt I'll ever actually do it. I'm a procrastinator and my mother might kill me.
I've been best friends with Adam for...6 years now. We knew each other before that, but weren't really close. We've both been huge Invader Zim fans since the show was aired on television. We really wanted matching tattoos, but something that wouldn't be weird and pointless if we ever went our separate ways. So I got Invader Zim and he go GIR.
Dani, Adam, and I became a terrific treo when I was in 8th grade, shortly after Adam and I became great friends. We separated for a few years and went different ways in life, but we all reunited about 2 years ago. A little over a year ago, we decided to get a tattoo together. Our B.A.D. (Bee, Adam, Dani) friends tattoo with each of our favorite colors. We all have the same matching tattoo on our ankles. This is one of those tattoos people believe I will regret so much. The way I figure it, even if we all split up and go our separate ways, they have been a huge part in my life in sculpting who I am and being a part of so many first experiences that I had.
This one, I've gone over in my blog before. This was my tattoo for the child that i miscarried. We had Chosen names. Cadence Alexis or Kayden James. Since we never found out the gender, our child simply became "Baby Cay." I lost him on May 28th, 2011. When I initially found out I was pregnant, I found out my due date was December 21, 2011. I told everyone this was going to be my Christmas baby and My little Christmas miracle. This is why the teddy bear has a Christmas hat. Also, the flowers are blue and pink since we never discovered gender and there is a single black flower in the middle representing death.
The last two tattoos I do not have photos of, so I will just tell you about them.
On the inside of my ankle, I have a date...specifically, the date I lost my virginity. I also went through this in a previous post. I was going to save myself for marriage, too afraid to tell the boy no, yada yada. If I hadn't had sex with him, my life would be completely different. I probably wouldn't have felt I had something to hide all of those years. I wouldn't have felt so very fucked up. But hey, it made me who I am today and I couldn't be more grateful for that.
Also, I have the words "What was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane." tattooed on the back on my legs in small print in the font I just typed it in. This is from the song Lua by Bright Eyes. I got it just to remind me that the pain of tonight will not last. Things will get better and when they do, the hurt of today will look like nothing.
People tell me all the time "Those are going to look so terrible when you get older and start getting wrinkles." You know what I say to you? BOOO! By time I'm old and wrinkly, I'm not going to look that great anyway. At least I know I'll have my tattoos, my heart, my memory with me forever. No one will ever be able to take these away from me. These are the things that my life is or has been made up of. Each tattoo tells a story about me and I don't want to give them up any more than I want to give up some part of myself.
