This February Darkness Has Me Hating Everyone

It's been nearly four months since I last wrote and I can't seem to recall where all the time has gone.

This evening, a song popped into my head. It's the same song that I have found myself quietly singing to myself every time I feel lonely in February for the last nearly decade now. Silverstein's "Call It Karma" always brings me a strange sort of peace. Maybe it's because it's been one of the few songs I've still held on to from the time before even high school problems became a thing. I feel as though the lyrics are hitting me harder than ever this year, though.

So what have I been doing these last four months?

I got roommates. Lance's brother, his fiance, and their (almost) two year old daughter moved in with us early November. As a person that swore she'd never live with someone she wasn't dating, it's definitely been an interesting experience. At this point, I think I have very few remarks on the matter as it's been one emotional roller coaster that I'm not entirely sure I've processed yet. The one thing that I have definitely gathered from this experience is that children of my own are not something I want in my future.

I've been listening to a lot of Z107.7 and Ghost; It's a strange combination, I know. I've really been digging Coheed and Cambria's Ascension and Descension dual album again, too.

I started working overnights on the weekends at Rhodes. That's been a real trip. When you work the same shift on the same days every week, regulars become a lot more recognizable and they like to get to know you. Also, I get a lot of drunken assholes and I've decided when I get the pick-up line "Where have you been all of my life?" I'm going to respond with "probably in high school." I look young enough to pull it off for now.

I've been struggling with the typical 22-year old questions. Where will I be in five years? Will what I'm doing now even matter then? How on Earth am I going to get back to college working forty hours a week? Should I be concerned about how much money I spend on booze? How can I make this weekend epic? Yo, where my friends at?

I finally went to the tattoo shop to get my first tattoo in over three years: a moon.


Why? It's a reminder of this very point in my life with overnights and the chaos that has been everything that I am as of late. It's a reminder that life is constantly changing from day to day, even if the progression is slight, but alas things don't tend to change as much as you think and life tends to keep going in one vicious cycle.

I bought a laptop, too. It's much nicer than trying to do all of my online activities on a desktop from the stone age.

I've had a lot of time for self discovery and with that I feel as though I only have 100 more questions to ask than I did before. So, in short, I've been just kind of living. I'll be back as a frequent blogger soon enough once I figure out the answers to at least a few more of life's questions.