This story begins 2 years and 1 day ago.
May 26, 2011
I remember it was a Wednesday, one of the most important Wednesdays of my life. I was finally graduating high school. I remember feeling so accomplished in my fancy gown and hat. I remember smiling, but feeling so much like crying for all the memories that I had in high school and all the people I would more than likely never speak to again. I felt accomplished. My boyfriend and I had been dating for well over a year and we were living on our own with a baby on the way. We had even decided on names. Kayden James Lee if it was a boy (which we hoped it was) or Cadence Alexis Lee if it was a girl (well, we weren't solid on the middle girl name or not).
May 27, 2011
The main thing I remember about this day is complete and utter terror. My body hated me and I was so scared I was going to lose my baby. I had a doctors appointment the following Monday, but I knew I had to get in immediately. This was actually the first time I met my baby doctor. I had been to the hospital a couple of times and already had one ultrasound, but my doctor seemed to be missing on the days previous to this. I remember walking into the hospital and crying in front of all of the pregnant women terrified that this doctor of mine was going to tell me my child was already dead. At last, they got me into a room and my doctor pulled out the goo to put on my belly. When he put the machine on my belly and told me my baby was fine, I couldn't have been more relieved. He saw a strong heartbeat and said there were no blood clots and said there should be no reason to worry.
This was the ultrasound picture taken on that day; It's fuzzy, but there's definitely a baby there.
May 28, 2011
This wasn't really the next day, but it was after midnight...so we're calling it the next day. I remember lying in the bedroom while Charles was up playing some games. I was trying to get some sleep since I was always so tired. My back hurt so bad though and I just knew this was it...my baby was dying, or maybe already dead. I got up and told Charles that we had to get to the hospital immediately. So, I found the keys and shuffled into the car with Charles. When we got to the hospital, I knew there was no turning back. There was no hope for my child, I don't know why I didn't just walk away then. They got me into a hospital room just for them to shove terrible things inside me and tell me that I was miscarrying and there was nothing they could do to help me. At this point, I had completely fallen from religion, but I remember actually praying earlier this day. Maybe God didn't hear me, or maybe he just didn't care. After this, they couldn't be kind enough to just let me go back to my house and handle this myself. No, instead they had to take a good gallon of blood out of me first. So they stuck needles in my arms 2 and 3 times while I was balling my eyes out. then when my arms stopped giving blood, they decided to stick the needles in my hand and drain me of the little life I had left inside me. Finally, after 4 am, they finally released me to go home to my own bed and soak in my own sorrow.
This obviously isn't where my story ends. Three weeks later, Charles was taken away from me. I had no boyfriend, no baby, and no job. I thought the world around me had ended completely and that I couldn't go on. I did, somehow. I kept on getting through life. I got a job to pay my rent. I saw my boyfriend almost every weekend. I had lost my child, but people's children die and they don't even cry forever. There was never a real tombstone and there was no funeral. I only had my baby for 10 weeks, but in that short time he made a huge impression on my life. On his due date, I got a tattoo on my side for my child lost. I suppose it's memorial enough, but some days I wish I had more. Every year, May 28th kills me. It's a day that is going to hurt for years to come I feel.
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